The Adventures of Life: USA Newsletter No.23

::: Viva La Fiesta :::

Living in the USA without a car, is like healthy cookies, noodles without salt, winter without snow, alcohol-free beer. Short, not meant to be.

That is why after only two months of being in this country I got my first car - a Dodge Stratus SXT in tan color. (Yes, "tan" is supposed to be an actual color. Looked like eggshell or off-white; kinda like I do when I have a tan.) One of my professors at that time once said the car was known for its high babe factor… *howuseful* It had one of the most horrible automatic transmissions I have ever driven. The seats were more comfortable than a sofa; which is not necessarily a good thing. When calculating the gas milage one could tear up; especially when comparing it to an efficient European diesel. Probably the best thing about the Stratus was that it got me from A to B. Oh wait, the music system was pretty good as well.

Not surprising, that I was dreaming of getting a different car. Then, summer 2010 I made the decision … NOW it is finally time to get rid of the Stratus and get something I actually enjoy driving. Extensive research was done. German cars - too expensive. Japanese cars - eeeeh. American cars - I learn from my mistakes… Finally I settled for a compromise: Ford Fiesta. American make, manufactured in Germany.

During my "Fiesta" adventure I met quite the characters...

The Sales Guy - or: The four stages of sales-guy-friendship:

1. As soon as you walk into the dealership you have a new best friend. You get hot coffee and other complementaries. You can look around and he will answer every single question you ever had in life. You discover you have so many things in common that it seems like you are supposed to be best friends forever. "Oh, you are German. My dog is German too!" *goodforyou* "Oh, you are interested in a manual transmission? The inlaws of my second cousin once had a manual rental." *reallyhowexciting* "Oh, you work in accounting? I am also good with numbers, especially if they are black and in my bank account." *dudeyouarejustsooooofunny*

2. When you sit down to go through the order and test the room for negotiation your new best friend turns into your poker opponent. There are no discounts for paying in-full and up-front. In this country money is made by enticing the general public into debt, not by encouraging to buy a car that you can actually afford. The negotiation essentially shows who has more patience and more experience with lying without blushing. (Thanks to Pursarth for his tough bargain skills, and Jyotshna for her patience. Without you I would have been lost in the rules of the game.)

3. Between ordering your car and getting your car your sales guy turns into a motherly hen that watches you and makes sure you are still happy and will stick to your side of the bargain, always fearing you might walk away from the amazing deal he got you. He calls you once a week with the exact status of your order or the current location of your car. He makes sure you are still happy with your choice, 'if you not, you can always pick an upgraded model or different interior at only a minor extra charge'. 'Oh and would you please fill out this satisfaction survey. Be completely honest but only give me the best ratings please, otherwise my kids' won't have anything to eat next month...' (nooooooo emotional blackmail intended!)

4. After you leave the lot with your brand new baby, the first thing your BFF does is going back to his phone and deleting your number. If you have any problems with your car, deal with them yourself. Fight your way through the dealership hierarchies and become best friends with the phone receptionist and the answering machine instead!

The Friend - or: Don't we all love tree-huggers?!

Between your old car and your new car you might make some more acquaintances. For example when selling your old car. Taking strangers on a test drive becomes a routine and with some time you might even manage to show off the good aspects about the oldie and hide the shortcomings. Or at least you become better at downplaying them. What will always be the biggest challenge is negotiating "Indian style". That pretty much means: under no circumstances pay more than 50% of the asked price. Surprising, even the rookie I am, I didn't fall for it. Surprising is also, that we did become friends despite his Facebook profile picture at that time and I actually met some very cool people through him.

The Striped One - or: What is in it for me?

When getting custom work done on your car, prepare yourself to meet some weirdos. Especially when the "shop" is located in the shadiest part of one of New Jersey's shadiest cities. And let me tell you, the competition for "shadiest city" is numerous and fierce in New Jersey! Let people know where you are going and when you plan to be back. Never leave your car unattended. Be surprised if people speak understandable English. Be even more surprised if you get offered a friendship price even though you just met that person. Get the hell out if on top of the friendship price you get asked 'so what is in it for me???'

The Buyer - or: The Tale of Marvelous Marvin

The time might come when you have to sell your beloved. I happened to sell the car back to a dealership. Oh yay, because dealing with dealerships was so much fun...!

Being seated in a smelly and impersonal cubicle I wait for somebody who was announced as "Marvelous Marvin". If you, like I did, expect the appearance of a good looking superhero, you will be disappointed; just like I was. In comes a guy in a shabby suit that must have been also been the outfit for his high school graduation, based on the style and the worn-of sleeves. He is trying to be smart and funny (unsuccessfully) and I try to pretend I'm not in a hurry to sell my car before winter (also unsuccessfully, judging by his smirk grin when he offered me a ridiculously low price). After me almost leaving the place outraged, he went to his boss like a messenger dog and came with a better offer. One might want to call it a "friendship price"...

They did make me fill out a dealership rating online, while Marvelous Marvin stood right behind me and watched every single word I typed and helpfully corrected me when I was about to answer the question 'how knowledgable is the sales staff' with 'I always thought the outstanding qualities of a sales person are patience, persistence, and being able to lie without blushing, and not knowledge'. If you ever happen to come across my rating of Jersey City Ford, please don't rely on it. Lets not be kidding ourselves, you would have also written anything for $500!!

During my "Fiesta" adventure I learned some valuable lessons...